Publication Date: October 3, 2023
Brittany Means’s childhood was a blur of highways and traumas that collapsed any effort to track time. Riding shotgun as her mother struggled to escape abusive relationships, Brittany didn’t care where they were going—to a roadside midwestern motel, a shelter, or The Barn in Indiana, the cluttered mansion her Pentecostal grandparents called home—as long as they were together. But every so often, her mom would surprise her—and leave.
As Brittany grew older and questioned her own complicated relationships and the poverty, abuse, and instability that enveloped her, she began to recognize that hell wasn’t only the place she read about in the Bible; it was the cycle of violence that entrapped her family. Through footholds such as horror movies, neuropsychology, and strong bonds, Brittany makes sense of this cycle and finds a way to leave it.
While untangling the web of her most painful memories, Brittany crafts a tale of self-preservation, resilience, and hope with a unique narrative style—a sparkling example of the human ability to withstand the most horrific experiences and still thrive.
To confront childhood memories, Brittany Means creates a memoir that gives voice to a powerful survival story.
Hell If We Don’t Change Our Ways details Brittany’s experiences growing up on the run with her mother, often sleeping in a car, contrasted by stays with her strict Pentecostal grandparents.
With a mother caught up in a cycle of unhealthy relationships and drug use, Brittany is a child of rape, something her grandmother freely shares with the church congregation. Brittany soon becomes a victim herself, experiencing horrors made even worse by her tender age.
Her story is told in spurts rather than in a traditional chronological style. This proves to be effective in illustrating the emotional impact of the trauma. Putting the past behind her is the only way she can move forward.
Hell If We Don’t Change Our Ways shares a troubling story of abuse and neglect that becomes more disturbing when seen through the eyes of a child who thinks it is just another adventure.
Brittany Means is a writer and editor living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. A graduate of Iowa’s MFA Nonfiction Writing Program, Means has received several awards for her work, including the Magdalena Award and the Grace Paley Fellowship. Her other talents include doing horror movie screams and baking ugly but delicious cakes.
